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In the last few weeks there’s been talk about building a grand ol’ Sports Centre in England. The proposal was tabled by the Ministry of Youth and Sport (Kementerian Belia dan Sukan). A written reply by Sports Minister Datuk Azalina Othman Said reasoned that it would provide a “short term training centre and forward base for national athletes who would compete in European tournaments“. Now that’s an amusing thought.

No insult to our national athletes but the only ones who have managed to compete at a level that has earned them a spot in European tournaments that would require any form of acclimatisation to perform are the squash and badminton squads. The latter having been inconsistently on and off form for the better part of two decades. Neither of them having recruited any new talent and both with seemingly bleak futures once the present batch of players have retired.

Will better facilities overseas make better local athletes? Facilities do not a sportsperson make. If you do not have the talent to begin with, no amount of acclimatisation, training, or money is going to make a difference. It is like pouring perfume on shit in hopes of making it smell better. Shit is shit is shit. There’s no disguising it. You may be able to fool some people, but the crappy qualities will eventually reveal itself.

If they really need cold weather, they can rent Genting Highland’s SnowWorld. At RM17 per person during peak season for a 40 minute time slot, they can send people to 28,823,529 sessions with RM490 million. Assuming that they want to send 20 people there for 10 sessions every day, you can have SnowWorld for approximately 394 years! Plus you get a FREE scoop of ice-cream or one bottle of Nutrigen with each ticket. If they purchase in bulk, they’ll get mystery gifts and I’m sure Genting will be kind enough to give them a group discount. Further on the plus side, they don’t have to maintain the place and they can go gamble at the casino whenever they want.

Alternatively, they might like to consider installing airconditioners in the stadiums. I heard the Panasonic AC Robot and Puritee R2 are going for cheap. They come with great features like odour removal and SUPER Alleru-Buster Filter which would be ideal for removing the body odour that might result from their streneous training, prevent bacterial colonies and the dreaded Athlete’s Foot.

A secondary purpose put forward by the esteemed Sports Minister was that the centre would “enable Malaysian sports officials to have access to expertise and technology of countries more advaned in sports“. I’m at a lost here. What sort of technology and expertise are we referring to? The last time I checked, technology and services can be bought and sold but none are ever given away for free. Purchasing technology doesn’t require a forward base of anything. It requires cold hard cash and someone who is willing to sell you the technology.

We’ve bought technology. We’ve hired expert help and overpriced coaches. Has that helped or improved the quality of national athletes? As far as I can tell, they still don’t got game. The only useful piece of technology that they can acquire overseas which they can’t freely acquire here would be firearms. Which, might not be a bad idea. Get a shotgun, shoot the national squad, and put us out of our misery of having to watch them make fools of themselves. Shitting my pants is less of an embarassment.

So if there is no logical reason for the centre, what then will be its purpose? When they say a ‘forward base’, do they mean a holiday resort for the rich and spoilt brats of ranked officials who parttime as national athletes because it is fun and they are too lazy to qualify for anything else? Or perhaps she meant to say a place for her and like minded ’sports officials’ to touch ‘third base’ with menteris while they are on their government sponsored golf trips having been flown there by MAS for free on first class seats?

It seems that lately, everything the government comes up with is for the benefit of the few at the expense of the majority. Whatever happened to benefitting the general public. Oh right… that era has long passed. We’re now in the era of capitalists and corrupt governments. In that case, don’t mind me. Go right ahead and build that sports centre. Oh what the heck, here’s my bank account and address. Why don’t you raid the bank and come steal my underwear while you’re at it.

All your base are belong to us!

EDIT: 12-07-2006 17:08
Thanks to EngLee for pointing out that I missed it
News article: (The Star) RM490mil is amount to be spent over 10years for London training base